In the perspective of Tracy Tatro

It started to get dark outside. All I could hear was the wind playing with the branches and some strangers away by the river laughing and living their life. I began to hum on a song I’ve been writing for a while, but I can’t come up with a third verse. I was kind of frustrated actually; I’ve never been stuck like this. I’ve been thinking and thinking but I seemed to have lost my inspiration.

-          Tracy! I heard someone yell.

-          Yeah, I’m here! answered quickly.

It was mum, she came to told me the dinner was done, and they’re about to eat any minute.

-          Okay, I’ll be there. I muttered.

 I got up and walked down to the river. I looked out, where’s my inspiration I asked myself quietly. I walk down to our van and they were all there, mum, dad, my two best friends, Jan and Rainey. They’ve been waited for me to join them and I felt a little guilt. I smiled a crooked smile and sat down. Mum looked at me and gave me that ‘how are you’ gaze. I glanced back and look down. It’s been a whiles sense my last song, and mum began to worried cause she know I always gets a little depressed when I can’t write. I took a potato on my fork and started to gnaw on it. After the dinner I took a promenade and mum gave some coins so I walked to the small store at the campsite and bought myself some watermelon twizzlers. I walked down to the river just one more time to look out and reach for the horizon.

The next morning I woke up pretty early. Well it was early for me, my mum was already awake, but she has always been a morning person. I went straight to my textbook and started to write some rows. After a while I looked up and I saw that my mum was looking at me with a strange look on her face.

-          What? I asked, trying to hide the fact that I know why she looked at me like that.

-          You must have come up with something really good , huh?

-          Yeah, you see. I had this dream last night…

I stopped talking and looked down at my paper for a while. I suddenly realized that what I’ve been writing was a total mess. It just made no sense at all. I erased the last lines, took an apple out of the fruit basket and went outside. At first I didn’t know where I was going really, but at when I took some time to raise my head up and look around I realized I’ve been walking to the place where I write my first song. There was this stone in the shape of a turtle over there where I used to sit, and I could still see some of my broken pens lying around. Amazing they’re still here. I sat down at the turtle-rock. Just to see if it felt the same as before and surely it did! It was kind of amazing actually. Almost as if I could feel the power rising inside me. I took my paper and looked at all the lines filled with unreadable letters. I took a new one up from my pocket and started to write. I didn’t even know what I was thinking of, but suddenly I was done. I’ve written a song, just like that, right here – at my favorite turtle-rock. I ran to the caravan of our as fast as my legs could achieve and mum stopped my right inside the door.

-          It’s done, I almost yelled right in her face.

At first she didn’t seem to understand me, but then I could see here mouth cracked into a smile. She embraced me with here warm arms and I smiled.

-          I’m going to sing it tonight. At the campfire. I said with a big smile on my face.

I was so happy right now nothing could ruin it and no words could explain. Mum looked happy too and we just stood there and smiled at each other. Then after a while everything went back to normal and she asked me what I would like for dinner. I didn't answer, instead I went for a promenade and I didn't plan on getting home until tonight.

It was dark outside now. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach as I heard Rainey sing the last line in his song. I heard how someone thanked him and then I heard my name. Like a robot I walked out to the scene and as fast as saw all the people my nerves started to relax. I introduced myself and then I just did my thing. It was over as just as quickly as it had begun and I went off the stage with the audience’s cheer’s behind my back. I felt happy and that night I slept very well.

I was dreaming. I was dreaming about this boy, a boy with a wonderful hair and these gorgeous eyes. He was so cute and I was more than mad when I woke and realized it was all a dream. I lay down for a minute, I was thinking about yesterday. Something about this boy in my dream reminded me of something I’ve seen before and I was pretty sure that I saw him in the audience.

I sat up, took my shirt and some pants I found in my bag and walked to the table. There was a note from mum, said; Good morning honey! I couldn’t wake you up when you slept so peaceful. I’ve gone to the town with Bridget. Breakfast and lunch is in the refrigerator. I’ll be back sooner or later. Love mum.

I wasn’t really hungry so I took my guitar at sat down in the doorway. I had some small things I would like to change about my song and I thought it was better to do it while my brain was still in sleeping mode or else it would overthink at everything at it will end up in a total mess. A little further away I heard some boys talking, one of them sounded like Rainey but I couldn’t identify the man he was talking with so I made an effort to hear what they were talking about. It sounded like they’re talking about money and something about Alaska. I decided to stop eavesdrop and focus on my song but then I felt like someone was watching me. I looked up and was greeted by the most beautiful eyes I’ve seen, they actually looked a lot like the ones I dreamt about. The eyes stared at me like they haven’t ever seen a girl and I stared back. I don’t know why but I felt a strong feeling to go up to him and talk to him. So I did. First I took the cigarette out of my grandpas hand because he had fallen asleep but then I walked straight up to him. I didn’t even notice Rainey, who stood up and walked away as I approached.

-          Hey! I said with a smile.

-          Hey, he replayed.

-          Are you selling these books? I asked, for lack of anything else.

-          I am! We are. He was… he said and looked after Rainey. He seemed a little embarrassed talking to me but I didn’t care.

-          I like to read. I said and fired away another smile in hope of making him feel a bit more comfortable.

-          Do you?

-          Yeah!

-          That’s good. He said and seemed to be a little more relaxed…

I heard you play your song last night. He said suddenly. And at that moment I was sure he was the one I had dreamt about last night. He was the boy in the audience with the gorgeous eyes and wonderful hair!

-          I’m terrible. I said, trying to make him compliments me.

-          You’re not terrible, you sing sweet. It worked, and I smiled at him to show my respond.

-          Thank you! Uhm, I was going to take a walk to the Salvation Mountain. You want to go? I asked gently and I really hoped he would say yes.

-          Okay. He just answered, but that was just fine! I felt the happiness spread in my stomach.

We walked up along this dehydrated road, the sun was high on the sky and Alex was talking about some plans of living in Alaska, in the wild. I wasn’t paying that much attention because it didn’t seem real that someone would run out into to the wild and just live there because of nothing. As we were there, in the Salvation Mountains we saw this old man. I’ve been here many times before but for some weird reason I’ve never heard his name.

-          Hey! He just said.

-          Hey. Alex. He introduced himself.

-          I really would like to show you around. I’ve been here sense 1984.

There are a lot of tourists coming here, and they’re looking at that car door over there. And well they really like it. I found some car doors and put them up there and I bolted them there.

-          Where did you get the telephone poles? Alex asked.

-          Well a lot of people just love me. I think everyone in the whole world loves me! And I want to have the wisdom to love them back. And, that’s about it. So I really get excited.

-          So do you believe in love man? Alex asked, it nearly looked like he really wanted to know.

-          Yeah totally. Was the answer he got and he seemed really happy about that.

Well they started to talk a lot. They talked about everything from the dessert and World War 2 to love. And then we ended up doing our handprints in clay.

-          You can wipe your hands of at my skirt if you want to. The man said but none of us listened. All we did was looking in to each other’s eyes and I couldn’t stop smiling, either could he.

Oh my god, he was so adorable. We said goodbye to the old man and thanked him for showing us around, then we began to walk home.  We talked about our lives at the way home. He asked questions about mine and so did I, about his. The feeling in my chest was strange. It was something I’ve never felt before. It was like my pounded faster now. I felt happy, and I haven’t barely met this guy yet.

When we got back Rainey and Jan had started dinner. Apparently my mum wasn’t home yet and I was supposed to join them for dinner.

Afterwards I helped Rainey with the dish washes while Jan sat with Alex and they were talking about something so low it was impossible for me to hear enough to get a grip of what they’re talking about. However I heard my names certain times and I couldn’t help that I smiled each time. I glanced at them now and then but I was determined not to eavesdrop at them. I wasn’t that happy when Rainey told me dinner was ready and I had to interrupt them, but what was I supposed to do. I noticed Jan’s eyes was tearful and I glanced at here at tried to give her that smile my mum always gave me when I was upset, but I don’t think I nailed it.

The following days were nice! We did pretty much everything you could do at this campsite and I was getting more and more in love with this beautiful boy. One day, I sat down by the doorway. Watching him train his abs. He was just as handsome as always, even when his face was full of sweat. He stood up and started to walk against me. At that time my brains was working on full speed to decide whether I wanted to do it or not. I panicked, stood up and walked in with the hopes of gaining more time. I heard he knocking on the door and I knew I had to say something. I threw my pants of and laid down at my bed with only underwear’s and my white chemise.

-          Hello? He asked with his velvety voice.

Merry Christmas he said.

-          Come on in! I said, tried to sound as sexy as I could trough the nervous.

He walked in, I could feel his hesitate in his steps as he walked approached me. He saw my pants on the floor and immediately what I was trying to.

-          My parents went in to town. I said, still not sexy enough.

-          No. He just said.

-          Uhm... Yes they were? I said a little confused.

-          No I mean, we can’t do this.

-          Why not. I asked, tried to hide as much of my disappointment as I could.

-          How old are you? He asked.

-          Eighteen. I tried, but he didn’t seem to believe.

Seventeen. I said with a sighed.

-          What year were you born? He asked, probably to see if I lied again. And I did, so I couldn’t really answer that question. We both laughed but it wasn’t that funny laugh it used to be.

-          Well okay. I’m sixteen.

-          You want to do something together? He asked while he looked out the window.

And I only needed to look at him for him to know my answer.

It wasn’t what I hoped it should be but to sing with him was good too. And I was never ever going to forget that!

Days had gone and the big day had come. It was time for Alex to go on with his journey.

He wrote down an address to South Dakota were I could send my letters. My heart were totally broken and my whole body was shaking. I couldn’t remember last time I was this happy, and know it was all going to disappear. He hugged me tight and told me to don’t give up. Whatever I wanted in my life I just had to reach out and grab it. He kissed my forehead and then he walked away. I looked after him, waited for him to turn around and say that I had repented, but he didn’t. He was gone, maybe forever.

To be continued..?